I am experiencing a time in my life when I feel God’s presence within my heart and spirit calling me to go deeper and inviting me to something that at the moment, is ineffable and undefined. It is Lent and I am living in a gray colored, paradoxical season of unsettledness. Yet, I sense an indwelling peace. I am longing for the Beloved in a way I have never longed before. There is a quality to my experience of longing that is familiar somewhere deep in my bones.
Today I make a list and attempt to find language for this ache and burning in my soul. I long for:
Rain on the window pane and thick fog outside the door to match my interior climate.
The sound of sisters singing their prayers while Abbey bells chime the hour.
The scent of incense and the blessing of the Eucharist.
Expansive Kairos time to rest in the Divine Presence in silence and stillness.
The experience of painting my prayers while I write (paint) an icon…Theotokos, or Christ, the Pantocrator.
The spiritual presence, through the writings, artwork, and music of Hildegard of Bingen, and the wisdom of spiritual companions…the Saints Theresa of Avila and Therese of Lisieux.
The company of my beloved sisters of Belle Coeur. To hear their wisdom and to pray together.
The touch of the small green beads of my childhood Rosary.
To experience the moment when the first sentence for a new book arrives. To share a story born from Goscelin’s wisdom.
To return once more to Belle Coeur and the Medieval world through the passageway of my sacred imagination.
To put pen to paper and await the movement of the Spirit.
To walk in nature and feast on Creation.To be set on fire with passion and clarity for the work…the assignment…that only comes from God.
These are but a few experiences and encounters that my body, mind, and spirit long for today. I will respond to my yearning with silence and stillness.
I will light incense on my altar.
Listen to the music of Hildegard of Bingen.
Pray the Rosary.
Revisit my library to contemplate my next icon painting and then I will open my journal to a blank page, and wait in stillness for the guidance I am seeking.
I await you, Beloved with an open heart. I pray to know the full extent of your call, that to the ears of my heart is now but a whisper, faint, and inaudible. I attune my spirit to listen intently for your guidance. Come to me in my dreams. Give me a sign. Offer a map and I will be your willing pilgrim as I follow the path you put before me. I am longing, and I await you like the parched earth awaits the rain. Pour over me, flood my being, and give me new life and purpose. Amen
Do you, too, hear an ineffable call from God?
What are you longing for?
How will you respond?